I think “overwhelmation” aptly sums up today’s pulse. Something’s off. Everything’s off. I get overwhelmed easily. Stuff overwhelms me. Events overwhelm me. Anticipation overwhelms me. Procrastination overwhelms me. Which is unfortunate, because I also happen to be a world class procrastinator.
This morning, on the brink of brain explosion, instead of doing something calm and productive I walked straight into a land mine of overwhelm+ frustration = overwhelmation.
- one month ago, while prepping for a garage sale and moving, I put the box with my sewing machine at the back of the storage space. a) because we thought we’d be moved by now, and b) because I haven’t done any sewing for 5 months, so I assumed I wouldn’t need it.
- a few weeks ago, in a rebellion against consumerism, I swore that I was going to quit running to the store at the last minute for birthday gifts, “I’ll make ’em instead!”
- I found a great little tutorial that I would like to use for the boys’ close friends: The Snack Bandolier (I’m making it to hold just the matchbox cars because the boys and their friends like to bring cars with them when they ride their bikes to the park.)
- We have NOT moved yet.
- My sewing machine is buried.
- One of the boys’ friends had a birthday and is moving.
Added noise (i.e. none of these things are huge in-and-of themselves, but they are adding little stress-hiccups on my radar):
- We are going swimming today for the first time this summer.
- We are going to a new place.
- Amelie has never been swimming.
- I’m not looking forward to wearing a swimsuit.
- I have to remember to pack up everything for 2 boys, 1 infant, and me because we are not swimming at our neighborhood pool which is 5 minutes away.
- I am forgetful and disorganized.
My house looks like THIS (I am taking pictures because somewhere on Like Mother, Like Daughter Aunt Leila and Rosie discuss looking at your house through the eyes of a visitor, and I really need to do that. And because, you know, I like to set the bar really low so that y’all can say, “Well! Things around here aren’t that bad!”):
All these things clutter up my brain and make it hard to cope with the other things in life. Julie from These Walls wrote an awesome post this past week, Recovery Mondays, that I really need to print out and spend some time over, absorbing into my life. My life is suffering from a big lack of realism.
The straw that broke the camel’s back:
So, instead of picking one spot in the house to, ya know, make better…I decided to…unearth the sewing machine and start a project. Goodbye frying pan, hello fire.
I had to dig that sewing machine out. Find a place to set it up (the one ordered room in the house — so guess which room is no longer ordered). After digging the sewing machine out, I re-stacked all the boxes back up. (I include this part because it’s important in a sentence or two.)
I started sewing a straight line project. Got to the part that required stuffing elastic into its fabric sheath. “Use a safety pin” the directions said.
…but the safety pins are in that box. At the bottom of a stack of boxes. In the hot storage room.
“I’ll just stuff without the thingy. It’ll take a little longer,” I consoled myself, “but I’ll meditate on the benefit of doing things slowly but surely.”
After 20 minutes of “meditating” and pep-talking “one stitch at a time”, my brain exploded.
Brain goo all over my messy house, roughly 30 minutes before we were supposed to be walking out the door to go to Blue Springs.
So I started typing this post. Because I am insane.
In the morning light, with a little sleep behind me along with a heap o’ fun at the Springs, I feel less overwhelmed.
But I’m still buying a pack of safety pins today.