building a house home where love can dwell

I was chatting with a friend the other day who is really busy…being a wife to a soldier (Memorial Day hat tip!)…moving their family literally across the country…being mom and teacher to their children…AND growing a baby. She sent me the sweetest video of their soon-to-be-not-youngest dancing, and laughing, and toddling, and I gushed a little and said that I have baby fever. She “lol’d” and asked, “When don’t you?”

And that’s true. I pretty much always have baby fever. Even when I have one of those kinds of days, I’m nearly always asking God to let a little more love spill over into and then overflow out of our home.  I get more than a little goofy over babies: Hold all the babies! Love all the babies! And if you tell me you are having a baby, whether your first or 12th or somewhere in between, I am going to be excited for you.

Don’t get me wrong, though, I know that baby-having is hard, hard work. Preparing a place in your life for a little one is one of the most daunting tasks in life, and this daunting thing becomes exponentially more difficult with each curveball that life throws.   Being a mother, takes a whole lot of support, and encouragement, and help, of all kinds (material, mental, emotional, and spiritual). If you know a mom who denies this fact she is probably hiring a maid and a therapist under the cloak of darkness.

I get a little goofy over moms, too: Love all the mommas! Encourage all the mommas!

Enter the topic at hand:

Mary's Mantle

My friend, Rahki from The Pitter Patter Diaries works for a little place called Mary’s Mantle. I use the word “little” here lightly. Because the work that is happening is something amazing:

The founders of Mary’s Mantle, a Catholic residential program for homeless, pregnant women, felt that no woman should have to choose abortion because they had no place to lay their head. The doors of the metro-Detroit home opened in June of 2010. Since then, 44 women and their children have called it home. The mothers who come to reside at Mary’s Mantle come from all walks of life. Some are recovering addicts, some are recovering from the scars of past abortion, some have been prostitutes, some have been in pornography, some have been victims of domestic violence, many have extremely damaged relationships with their families, and all have been broken by abuse, whether emotional or physical. The time they spend in residence is designed to heal and restore them. While staff work with them to address the causes and symptoms of their homelessness (job training, housing searches, etc.), the greatest work done is to teach them about the love of God, help them to begin healing, and learn how to be faithful mothers so they can break the cycle of abuse.

Being mother can be rough, and messy, and discouraging even when you are surrounded by love and support and encouragement, by food and shelter and basic necessities and not-so-basic luxuries. Take away one of these, some of these, or all of these, and we should not be at all surprised at choices that women make out of desperation.  If we want to live in a culture of life, we have to build homes where love can dwell.

And this is precisely what Mary’s Mantle is doing.  Well, for the past five years they have been renting a house where love can dwell. So now…NOW…Mary’s Mantle is buying a house where love can dwell. The house has been bought; the renovations have been underway; the move date has been set. But Mary’s Mantle needs a little boost for the “final” touches, “from furniture for the formal living room and workshop area, to computers where the moms can look for jobs and take classes online“.

Let’s help provide some hospitality for this home!

I’m going to be all done talking now so that YOU can click*click and go help.  Rahki sent along the GoFundMe link for Mary’s Mantle, but she did mention that some people have been experiencing difficulties with it. I checked it out prior to posting, and it was working, but JUST in case, you can do what I did and go donate through the Mary’s Mantle website.

Love always wins, you guys. Always. So whether it’s a little or a lot, let’s go shower some love on this home!

from little things…comes great love: How and Why to Make Friends at Church

…little things…great love…small acts from little hands…building up the Kingdom of God…I’m no pioneer in this mode of thinking…many saints have said it better…and yet you get my thoughts on it today…

One of the things you may or may not know about me is that I hate confrontation. And I also change my mind a lot. So I really try to keep myself from smugly posting things like, “I will never bring snacks to Mass.” Because, believeyoume, there have been days that I have had to eat my words.  With gravy on top. WHILE I laboriously pick up all the Cheerio crumbs from the pew. And I really don’t like to open up heated subjects on the blog.  This is my place to be a little bit funny and a little bit serious and write out some of the words that would otherwise sit in the caverns of my brain and drive me crazy(er).

Right NOW, in this season of life, we don’t bring toy-like things with us to Mass and we don’t bring food.  The one exception is that the boys may bring a children’s Bible or missal. Ami can have a non-noise-producing teether and she may nurse. But I HAVE packed crayons and other toys before.  And I HAVE discovered that the minions have packed in contraband (matchbox cars) at one juncture or another. Do I appreciate other parents’ attempts to keep distractions to a minimum? Absolutely and I do my best to send mental high-fives their way.  After Mass. Outside. I only send mental high fives in the vestibule. And then only reverently. You know. *grin*  But, do I understand and have I been there and have I prayed that other people not judge me over it? Absolutely.

I won’t lie and say that I don’t sometimes wish that the family next to us would have left 10 of the dozen action figures or dolls at home. It’s tough on easily distracted 4-year-olds to watch full on playtime happening two pews over and know that he is expected to sit there quietly. Not impossible. But still tough. And since the ratio of noise to toys seems proportional, I sometimes wish, for their sake if not mine, they knew that Mass without tons of toys and snacks is actually easier (note: not EASY…easiER) especially in the long run.

Over time we have gradually reduced the things we bring to Mass. I no longer put forth the effort to print out coloring sheets that correspond to the Gospel. I don’t pack a “Mass bag” anymore, and that’s a personal preference. I don’t pack things FOR my children. Most items are on the “We don’t bring” list. IF they want to bring a Bible or missal, they may, but it is something they are entirely responsible for. This doesn’t ensure that my children will be well-behaved at Mass, but it does mean that they won’t be arguing over the same blue crayon.

Do you know why I do (or don’t do) this? I do this because I think that it helps children encounter God. We and our children are human, and we will always encounter distractions when we worship. Bringing more distractions with us, I think, sends a message that our time spent in participating in the sacraments and in prayer are things to be endured instead of acts that we engage in so that life can be poured into our souls. I do this because I want the Mass to come alive for my children. I do this, also, because I want them to learn that we distract ourselves at a cost to our relationship with God and with each other.

But do you know what else? I don’t write any of this to chastise. I write it because I feel compelled to offer hope and because, actually, I want to remind myself to always offer small acts of love from my little hands.  I write it because our faith is both vertical and horizontal, and because we have a chance to live out that vertical focus and horizontal love in a special way when we worship together.

Even more, though, I write it because there have been so many many days at Mass with wild, distracting children when my heart was breaking. I’m not being dramatic to say that. I was at Mass, clinging to a life line. Literally. And when I was on the receiving end of comments or looks or heard of criticisms later, I wanted to scream, “You have NO idea what is happening in my life!” It wasn’t just from people I knew, though those were the ones that hurt most deeply; I would read blog posts on how to raise children who behaved in church. I felt so inadequate when I would read things like “church shoes beget church behavior” and the following Sunday wound up black and blue from a temper-tantruming toddler who packed quite the kick with heavy, “nice” shoes on his feet. Or when I read, “we make our children under the age of three sit on our laps, no exceptions” and realized that there was one of me and two of them.

We were a family in crisis, and it was something I did not share. I never said a word because I didn’t want pity and, anyway, I knew I couldn’t tell my story. I wanted understanding and compassion even though they couldn’t know the depth of my pain. And maybe maybe it would have been nice for someone to offer an extra set of hands. Desperately desperately I desired love and belonging despite the loneliness and brokenness and suffering I felt (even when it may or may not have been evident, for I am generally naturally optimistic and was very active in our church community). I didn’t desire relaxed standards. I loved and love reverence and beauty during worship. I didn’t desire to feel like my kids were good by comparison (“Your kid screamed louder during Consecration than mine did, so I must be doing something right!”). I didn’t want someone to make excuses for me. I did know that I felt overwhelmed and lonely and stuck. I felt like I was on the outside, looking in.

I think back on those dark, dark days, and I remember how there were some real and holy  people who showed love and hospitality and kindness, even when they didn’t have to and when they didn’t know how much I needed it. It makes me think about how to show love to the brokenhearted and to be reaching out, even when I am not aware of someone’s suffering. This is not my forte. I’m not exactly shy, but I’m introverted. It’s HARD for me to strike up conversations. It’s really hard for me to remember that I’m not the only person who has problems. Because, however, I think it’s of great importance to reach to people on the margins and I think this holds true at church. Here’s my “scratch the surface” list:

  • On a regular basis, sit next to/behind the young parent with child(ren) that you see attending church solo week after week. When we get down to brass tacks, this could be for any persons you see attending alone (elderly, college student…really any person), especially if you might happen to notice that they duck out quickly afterwards and don’t seem to know many people.
  • I’m not one to encourage long, loud conversations as soon as your good padre has left the building or even after the choir has stopped singing. I like to make eye contact. Maybe send over a friendly nod and smile. If a mother with young children looks particularly frazzled as she scrambles to clean up goldfish crumbs, get down there and help her out.
  • IF opportunity presents, it’s ok to make an offer to help! Said person might turn you down if they are not comfortable with it (e.g. if I have a screaming infant and a 3yo insistently informing me that he’s “gotta go potty”, I may not be ok with leaving either one in your care while I help the other one) or they might be really, truly grateful. I’ve seen large families take smaller ones under their wing, so to speak, and offer a set of hands to hold a baby or a “totally cool teenager” to sit next to the toddler and help keep their attention on the Mass. My boys will sit in awe of teenage boys, and will imitate them sitting quietly when NO amount of my shushing worked. Be a familiar, encouraging face! Build community! Small things really show great love!
  • Does your parish have fellowship following Mass (non-Catholics: insert “church” and “service”)? Look for the people sitting by themselves, camp near them, strike up conversation as you break donuts. This doesn’t have to be to the exclusion of talking to people you already know – you know how to introduce people!
  • Sometimes the person sitting solo at the table is an introvert who happens to like donuts. Sometimes sitting alone in a crowded room is a quiet cry to be noticed.  Be persistent with your friendliness, but not pushy. Use your common sense.
  • Remember that you don’t know someone’s sorrow. You don’t know their losses. You don’t know their struggles. You don’t know their situation. Some may open up to you. Some may keep their armor impenetrable. You might never know how much your kindness meant to them (this side of Heaven).
  • Organize meals! Invite people to dinner! (Don’t forget about your priest!) Take meals to people in need! Organize play day picnics for moms home with small children! Meals show love!
  • This should be a no-brainer, but…befriend people as real friends. I’m not saying that you need to become best friends, but if you offer charity with condescension, it hurts. Don’t discuss them or their situations with others unless you have been asked to do so. Don’t swoop in to save them, patting yourself on the back for your great kindness. People are not objects. Remember that Jesus, alone, is Savior.
  • Look with kindness and compassion on those around you. Suffering doesn’t always look the way that you expect it to.

 

What would you add to this list?

7 Quick Takes: Feeding the Hungry

Linking up with Jen today QUICKLY to shine a little light on a (*ahem*) totally unlinked to link up, the How to Feed a Friend Link-Up. So, self promotion and all that being what it is, I’m now using a link up to shed light on the fact that I’m linking to my own link up. How embarrassing. But I have no shame.

1.  A few days ago, I noticed that Jen insta’d a picture of a menu of a meal she took to a friend. Which made me think about my neglected little link-up. Linking up with Meals Taken, Meals Received can be as easy as that, just snapping a picture. I love seeing the ideas others have for taking meals.

So…have you taken a meal? Received a meal? Snap a quick photo and do a quick write up and then link-a-doodle-do! It’s not bragging…it’s sharing ideas, because people like me need all the inspiration we can get!

2.  A new friend of mine has a new little one in addition to a toddler.  So a few weeks ago (before the plague hit my house) I took a simple meal over. I took my inspiration from a meal that a friend brought to us when Amélie was born, simple chicken with a bottle of BBQ sauce. I used to HATE BBQ sauce. But when my friend brought plain chicken with a bottle of Sweet Baby Ray’s on the side, my postpartum taste buds decided that this crack in a bottle would taste good on everything. Everything. Lara, if you ever read this, you started an addiction…

3.  I kept this meal embarrassingly simple and added a pack of steam in the bag frozen veggies. In the hopes that this would be toddler-friendly. I’ve never used these, so I’m hoping these worked out.

4.  For various reasons, I don’t usually gift alcohol. Instead, I included a bottle of Martinelli’s. Because new babies are always a cause for celebration. And Martinelli’s screams, “SPECIAL OCCASION!!!” to me.

5.  I am pretty much in love with Kind bars AND Über bars. I kept these around because postpartum and nursing metabolism catches my blood sugar off guard, and I can go from “fine” to “not fine” really easily. The Über bars were on sale, so I added these in and also some kid snack bars because I know it’s tough to have a hungry toddler when mama is busy figuring out a feeding schedule.

6.  These particular friends are also from the Portland, OR area, so I picked this chocolate bar with that detail in mind.

7.  Kinda the most important part: baked chicken breast, very lightly seasoned, in a disposable container. Last thing I’d want to do is add dish and return duty to their plate.

I snapped this photo just seconds before leaving. But I PROMISE there is chicken under that steamed-up lid!

Ta-da! Embarrassingly simple but this is something I challenge myself to do (and actually DO it and not just relegate it to the land of good intentions) now because I have experienced the love that poured through all the meals we have been blessed to receive ourselves. What little touches do you add to taken meals? What little touches have you appreciated? Go link up!

How to Feed a Friend

meals link up button

Maybe this should read, “How to Feed and Be Fed”.

I’m not sure.

I am also not sure about how wild I am about the “button”.  I’m only a graphic designer in my dreams, y’all.

If you missed the post in which I discussed MEALS!!!, you can find it here. Read the rambly logic of it all. All posts are welcome.  I have heaps o’ appreciation for posts that cover nitty, gritty details like Kathryn posted here and just as much for the posts that cover how to still be generous when life is nitty and gritty, like Rachel posted here.  Love is in the details and love is in giving when the giving is tough, even if the giving doesn’t look as perfect as one had hoped.

The “rules” are as follows:

1) Write up your post on a meal you are taking or a meal you have received.

2) Include all the details that make this meal truly a labor of love.

3) Pictures are 142% encouraged.

4) Grab the button if you want.  Only if you want to.  And if you got mad-styling-graphic skills and more-time/patience-than-me, hit me up to prettify that thing up there.

5) Tell yo friends.  The more people to post, the more ideas I…me…I mean WE…have when push-comes-to-shove-baby-is-out-time-to-make-a-meal! (Meals for any sort of occasion, happy or sad, are welcome.)

6) Use the tool below to link up your post so we (read: me) have allthegoodideas in one, blessed spot.